Monday, December 24, 2012

The True Meaning Of?

Good Morning, My Friends!

In the hustle and bustle of this holiday season, let's not forget what December 25 was originally all about: 

Sol Invictus, "The unconquerable Sun." 

That's right, it was a pagan holiday during the days of the Roman Empire, more than 2000 years ago. It celebrated the "Birth of the Sun" as it "rose from the death" of winter on what was then the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year.

The holiday was usually celebrated as the birth of a Solar Deity. In Persian areas of the Empire, for example, they used the deity Mithras to personify it, a deity who was born as a human in a cave on the 25th, performed miracles during his ministry, including changing water to wine at a wedding, came to redeem all mankind, was betrayed and murdered by the very people he meant to redeem, and, was said to have risen from death three days later, around the spring equinox.... As you might notice, it was pretty simple for the fledgling Christian cult to borrow and eventually take over the dates, with similar wording.... 

So remember, the TRUE "reason for the season": The growing of days, and the coming of Spring. That is something to celebrate, whether you believe in science or not.

Merry Mithramas,

~ your friendly neighborhood born-again pagan philosopher

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Give yourself 12% of the credit.

I want to be Tony Stark.

Nothing special about that, really. Who doesn't want to be Tony Stark? With the money and the cool toys....  But, I have recently come across a surprisingly large group of people on the Replica Prop Forum ( who are actually making Iron Man suits. Some are using clay, some are using foam, but the most promising I think is fiberglass and body filler.

The shareware program Pepakura Designer (free to use with full functionality except for the Save function) has been used to wondrous effect by many in this group for all kinds of lightweight props and armor, including Halo, Star Wars and Iron Man. It takes any 3D model and "unfolds" it so you can print it on cardstock, fold and glue it together and make a nearly perfect 3D paper model of whatever you want. They have used Pepakura models for Fett/Mandalorian suits, Stormtroopers/Clone Troopers, etc. But the Iron Man Pepakura has really gotten me excited. It is actually doable, making an Iron Man costume that doesn't look silly. (Here's a guy that did it.)

Once the paper model is assembled, a layer of fiberglass resin is applied to harden it, and fiberglass mat on the inside on some of the parts, followed by a body filler (like Bondo) to smooth it out. Prime, paint, assemble. The process is not very complicated, nor very expensive, considering what the end product will be.

So, I downloaded the Pepakura software, for free, and I downloaded the 3D model Pepakura files, for free, and I have been looking at them, playing around with ideas. I think I could have one made and ready to wear within 24 months just working in my free time. But it's not going to be easy. It will be enjoyably challenging.

THEN, I need to figure out how to add electronics, motorization, and sound. I could make a bad ass Iron Man with enough time and money thrown at it.

Ultimately, it would be a lot of fun to get a professional photo taken of me with the beard and the arc reactor under my shirt, standing in front of my very own "Hall of Armor." Stay tuned for news of my progress on this. I think this is going to be more fun than I have ever known before.

It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.

Good Morning!

Awakened? I'm not quite completely yet, no. But don't you feel like a new age has begun, now that the "Mayan end date" has passed? I do.

I have changed the look of the blog again, to reflect a more "enlightened" state, which I hope will continue. I do feel better, a little more aware, anyway, which is all you can expect, really.

I mean to use this blog for more than just the "awakening" from here on, also. I intend to document my projects, like costumes and the like. I will be posting more often, on a variety of subjects.

Stay tuned.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Duel of the Fates

Please forgive my absence from the blogosphere (is that still a thing?) but I have been having, and am continuing to have, an ancient and epic battle raging in my consciousness.

I have taken to calling it "Darth Adamant." It is my "Inner Sith," my Ego, my selfish, separate self, locked in a spiritual combat with my True, Universal, Inner Being. This Duel rages even as I type this. It creates my world, it informs all my decisions, it makes me feel, in a word, unstable.

This is just a part of it. A trial. A challenge to overcome. I can and will prevail. I must. If I fail, I die. If I succeed, I die. Either way, what bliss?

Okay, that was a little dark humor, partly from the Addams Family movie sequel. This is the Ego's way of changing the subject. I parried that last riposte, Darth. What else you got?

The key to overcoming the selfish separate self is to become aware of it.

I am, slowly, becoming aware of it.

It is not going down without a fight.

But the key, I have heard, is not to fight it, but to LOVE it.

I have a bad feeling about this.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.

Good morning!

The ancient Hawaiian tradition of Ho'oponopono, especially as reimagined by Ihaleakala Hew Len and publicized by Joe Vitale, is an exercise in Total Responsibility. In other words, the practitioner takes ultimate responsibility for every single thing that happens in his life, whether it is perceived to be caused by him or by an outside circumstance. The idea here is, if it appears in your life, you must have invited it through your thought, emotion, or action, or it would not appear in your experience at all. This is a common thread in all Law of Attraction teachings, and psychologically, it bears some weight as well. How we experience everything that we experience depends greatly on our point of view of the experience.

The way in which someone practicing Ho'oponopono (which in Hawaiian means "to put to rights; to put in order, correct, amend, rectify") deals with this great responsibility actually involves forgiveness and acceptance. "I'm sorry," "Please forgive me," "I love you" and "Thank you" are expressions of these feelings, and are used extensively in the process. Hew Len is known as the psychologist who made such an impact on a hospital psych ward by saying things like "I'm sorry" and "I love you" that over time, patients began acting and feeling better, to the point where the ward itself was eventually shut down because so many patients had been released. And the truly amazing part of all this? He never visited the ward. He looked at patients' charts and records, and said the mantras TO HIMSELF, finding those parts of his own psyche that could relate to the patient he focused on. In healing himself, in other words, he healed the world around him. This is a true and documented story, and can be found here.
Ah, hard to see, the Dark Side is.
-Master Yoda
These last few weeks, I have been drawn into the Dark Side. My ego became strong, through arrogance, alcohol, and self-indulgence. Luckily, I noticed the change; my outside world became less tolerable, more aggravating. My "external forces" seemed to be turning against me, which put me on the defensive. And my own sense of self-awareness was quietly (as it only can) chiding me, "this is not who you are, you know...." Thankfully, I could still quiet my mind enough to hear it.

The ancients knew that the outside world reflects the one within, like a projection onto a screen. My world was reflecting a deeply negative image, which of course I had been creating, in my selfishness and arrogance. To heal, I must forgive myself.

This is a really hard thing for many people, including myself, to do. Forgiving others seems easy, but how many times have YOU said the words: "I'd never forgive myself if...?" Forgiveness does not mean forgetfulness. But it does require LETTING GO. I've never been good at that, personally. But it is one of the greatest things one can learn; when I have been able to fully release a thought or an emotion or even a physical thing or person from my life, my life has always instantly become more beautiful, more peaceful, and more promising.

So, to anyone I may have annoyed, offended, or angered these past few weeks, (whether you read this or not) I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you. And much more importantly, to those of you who have annoyed, offended, or angered ME, I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you. And finally, to myself, who annoys and is annoyed, who offends and is offended, who angers and is angered, to myself I say, I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.

When I forgive myself, I become free to forgive others. When I love myself, I am free to love others. All are one. We are expressions of the One Being, manifesting as many individual beings. The Golden Rule is an attempt to show people this Truth by experience. Love one another as you would be loved, because you and the other are in fact, One. Whatsoever you do to the least of your brothers, you do TO YOURSELF. Jesus' teachings (among many others) point to this constantly, and to make it easier to understand and accept, they externalize the Oneness into the figurehead of God and/or Christ, because most people, trapped in ego identity, cannot comprehend the vastness of such an idea as collective Oneness. I myself forgot it while in the grip of my Inner Sith (my ego). But thankfully, it takes only a moment of awareness to make a shift.

Try to forgive yourself whenever you feel not-good. You'll be surprised at the result, if you succeed.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Father Knows Best, Should Know Better

Good morning.

I haven't written here in a while, because I haven't really felt very awakened lately. Things are getting better in my outer world, but my inner world is currently in turmoil.

I got a job, after nearly six months of unemployment, and it is better than I hoped for. It's very challenging for me, but I haven't been challenged in a job for a while, so it's welcome. My feelings about money have relaxed, and I'm getting more of it now; I haven't decided yet which came first (actually, I know my feeling changed before I even got the job).

On the day of the holiday of Father's Day this year, like most years, I did nothing but sit in solitary discomfort at the whole idea of Father's Day. I don't really understand it the way most people do. I have no image of "Father" on which to base the object of my paternal affection. Even my mother's dad, the greatest man I ever knew, could never be "Father;" he was already Papa. I have a father, though it has never quite felt like it.

Today, the Monday after Father's Day, a coworker asked me if my father was still alive; I said yes. He asked if I talked to him yesterday, I said no. He then said my name to me in a tone that spoke the unspoken meaning behind his use of it: "shame on you."

I knew, from past interactions with this person, (we've worked together before) that he had good reason to feel the way he did, and even to admonish me for not staying in touch with my dad; he's had some problems in the past getting his own kids to stay in touch with him. I get it. But I found myself getting increasingly distraught as the day went on. Not angry, only, though there was some of that. Nor was it mostly guilt, or even pain, but a combination of all kinds of negative emotions, all tied to various thoughts which all shared a common theme: my history (or lack thereof) with my father.

I won't get into very much detail in this medium; this is a weblog, not a diary. Suffice it to say, I've seen the man maybe a dozen times since I was 5 years old, and not a single one of those times was at his initiative; I have always had to invite him (in the cases of my graduations) or seek him out myself. I had other "father figures," but I never had much use for them as "dads".... I guess I couldn't bear to replace him, in spite of all that. But I did allow myself to love my stepfather as a dad when he came along. Then, I lost him, too. That story is too gruesome to tell.... Let's just say, I grew up real quick in high school (and I would have no trouble seeing Thestrals).

I reconnected with my dad a few years ago, but even that has not continued. I found out from him what his reason was for staying away: He knew my mother had it under control, and he felt that he would only get in the way by being around. If he only knew what good just being in my way would have done me. I do love my dad, just to be clear. And I forgive him his mistake. At the same time, he hasn't stopped making it.

So I let another Father's Day go by unobserved. I could have tried to contact my dad, but he hasn't got a phone, and it leaves me bitter to call the only other place I know he's likely to be or to get a message, the saloon. I wanted to tell my coworker all this, and so I did tell him this last fact. As soon as I did, I felt worse. I thought it would shut him up, and it did, but it did not help. The vicious spiral had begun.

I spent all day at my new job with my mind basically disengaged. Instead of focusing on work, I was unfocused, with the many various dad-related thoughts and the accompanying negative emotions that only served to keep them coming. Like, "I'm glad I never had kids, I don't know how I could ever be a good dad myself..." and, "I do know my dad's not going to be around forever, and I really SHOULD try to get hold of him...."

And my whole day got worse. I made a couple of mistakes I shouldn't have made. I got a huge, ugly mark on my pants, which I just washed yesterday. At lunch, every traffic light was red, even though all last week they were all green. Pretty much everything I saw today reflected my repugnant mood.

Then I came home and started writing this. My hope is that, with this venting, (and the EFT tapping I might do later) I can let this pain go, too. But you know, a big part of me is not ready to let it go. It's like it informs my identity. It's MY pain, I earned it. I know that's insane, but I know that it's part of my ego, and I will be ready to let it go soon. And either way, tomorrow will be better. At this moment, though? ...I don't know. I don't feel like it.

I really should know better.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

The Sun is Rising....

Good Morning!

If you have been following along with me on my journey of awakening so far, you may have noticed that the blog's background is no longer black, but a dark blue. It was a purposeful choice; that's what happens just before dawn.

After nearly 6 months of unemployment, I finally have a j-o-b. It's in a field that I enjoy, the hours are fine, and the benefits will be great. I'm happy.

But there is still a long way to go. My Shadow Self still likes to poke at me, feeding me doubts ...{{you can't handle this job}}...{{it's too much stress}}...{{you're gonna screw something up, just watch}}.... But that doesn't bother me. I recognize the voice now.

The Shadow Self, the Ego, the Opponent, the Pain Body, Satan, whatever you like to call it, always sounds the same. It tries to keep you from making change. Its greatest mission is to keep itself alive, and it does that by keeping you in darkness. It feeds on fear and doubt and pain. It withers and dies under the Light of Consciousness and Wakeful Presence, so it has developed terrific stealth skills; it will even make you believe it is YOU, so that you don't look too closely at it. It will make you think it's your best friend, whilst simultaneously sabotaging your life. It loves chaos, hatred, and dominance, and can manipulate its victims into doing almost anything, for the price of "pleasure," accompanied by pain and panic that it will never cop to. It is powerful, but not as powerful as Presence.

Wakeful, Mindful, Dutiful Presence, Non-judgmental, Loving Presence, is the only weapon we have against this Adversary, but thankfully, it is the only one we'll ever need. Presence immediately weakens it, creates space around it. It wants to isolate you; so, you must isolate it instead, secure in the knowledge that you are One with the Light, and that isolation is an illusion. The Shadow disappears when you shine the Light upon it.

We always have these two voices, and we always have the choice of which one to listen to. When you learn to recognize the difference between the voices, and to recognize which one is really YOU (it's Presence, if you hadn't figured that out by now) then you are one step closer to Waking Up!

The road is long. Let's keep moving.